Mom pressures 18-year-old daughter to give her 20-year-old brother $2700 to cover his rent: 'I don’t believe I’ll see that money again'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Jul 2, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

Just yesterday, me and my roommate were discussing people who live with their parents into their twenties. We both expressed that although we love our parents, we would rather "throw away" our money living in Bushwick USA rather than live in our parents basements in order to save money. The topic of conversation turned towards whether we would rather live with our sisters or our parents if push came to shove and we could no longer afford our extravagant New York lifestyles. He said he would rather live with his sister, but I don't think I could do it. It's not because me and my sister get along so terribly, but because I would feel terrible relying on my younger sister for financial support. I've been alive two and a half years longer than she has, and I should be able to support myself enough to not ask her for financial favors. 

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  • The 18-year-old in this story is doing pretty well for herself. She has enough money and scholarships to support herself through undergrad and a Masters, albeit on a tight budget. Her mom doesn't care that she only has enough to support herself: she thinks she should help her older brother pay his rent.

  • 01

    WIBTA if I didn’t give my brother money for rent?

    I (18F) am starting university this fall. I have about $30,000 in savings/grants, meant to cover 4 years of undergrad + one year of grad school. That works out to roughly $6,000/year.
    via u/Alert_Marionberry_31
  • 02
    I also qualified for financial aid and will be receiving around $18,000 for the school year. But it's paid in installments, and tuition is automatically deducted, so in reality, I'll have about $4,500/semester for living and school expenses. I'm also receiving a $2,500 bursary from my university.
    via u/Alert_Marionberry_31
  • 03
    WE CHA
    via Erika Fletcher

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 04
    For this upcoming fall semester, I'll have around $10,000 to spend, assuming I only use some of my savings. First year will be expensive. I'm living in residence, and will need to pay for bedding, furnishings, and electronics for school. I've budgeted for it all and will likely have a little leftover, either to spend on extras or save for the next semester.
    via u/Alert_Marionberry_31
  • 05
    Now, onto the issue: my brother (20M) also had post-secondary savings/grants, though I'm not sure how much. He started university (commuted), dropped out, went to college a year later, and dropped out again. During
    via u/Alert_Marionberry_31
  • 06
    that time, he signed a lease for an apartment he couldn't afford. He doesn't have a job and hasn't for years. When our mom told him the place was too expensive, he insisted he'd find work... he never did.
    via u/Alert_Marionberry_31
  • 07
    Cheezburger Image 10524568064
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 08
    Now, he owes $2,700 in rent and my mom expects me to cover it. And to be honest, I don't believe I'll see that money again. Her reasoning is that I'll still have ~$24,000 left in my savings after this year. Technically true, but that money has to last the next 4 years and possibly a master's program.
    via u/Alert_Marionberry_31
  • 09
    What frustrates me is how little effort my brother puts into changing his situation. He says he dropped out to get tested for ADHD... okay, but he's doing absolutely nothing in the meantime. He turned down a one day job last week that our older brother offered to drive him to.
    via u/Alert_Marionberry_31
  • 10
    Even if it's only for one day, it would give him some experience and at least some money to hold onto. When I suggested he go to therapy (which is covered by our mom's insurance), he said he didn't need it, just a diagnosis. Like... there are steps to this.
    via u/Alert_Marionberry_31
  • 11
    And the wildest part? He talks all the time about going to Stanford or Caltech and working at NASA. I'm not trying to crush his dreams, but he has no track record of following through, and no plan that actually reflects what those goals would require. Even if ADHD is a factor, you still have to put in the work. Medication alone doesn't fix everything.
    via u/Alert_Marionberry_31
  • 12
    At the end of the day, I can technically afford to help. I just don't want to, because I don't trust I'll ever see that money again. And I don't think it's fair to take away from my education, something I've planned for and worked toward, because he refuses to help himself.
    via u/Alert_Marionberry_31
  • 13
    Am I being unreasonable for saying no?
    via u/Alert_Marionberry_31
  • 14
    Cheezburger Image 10524566016
    via Meg Aghamyan (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 15
    Big-Question-9513 Essential life lesson - never let your relatives, friends, non-friends know that you have a pot of gold.
    via u/Big-Question-9513
  • 16
    mca2021 Well said. Let your brother move home and let mom take care of him. It won't end at 2700. He'll need money again when he doesn't pay his rent, then he'll need money for food etc. It'll never end if you give in once.
    via u/mca2021
  • 17
    And in the future, keep your finances to yourself. It's no one's business what you make, nor how much you're saving towards a house or car etc. Family views this as disposable money for them to spend since they are irresponsible with their money NTA
    via u/mca2021
  • 18
    Paul110998 If you loaned money to a stranger on the street who was drinking a beverage in a paper bag. There is a higher probability that person would pay you back before your friends and family. Don't loan it if you can't afford to lose it!
    via u/Paul110998
  • 19
    floofienewfie OP, if your mother or your brother is on that savings account with you and you're over 18, withdraw the total amount and put it in another bank under your name alone. I would not put it past your mom to withdraw what she thinks your brother needs. She should absolutely not be taking money from you for a dream of your brother's that went bust. Just because he has
    via u/floofienewfie
  • 20
    ADHD doesn't mean he can't pursue his dreams. There are a lot of of us out there with ADHD, au ism, whatever, that work our butts off in spite of it and do very well. He needs to grow up, focus and become responsible for his own decisions. Edit: Thank you, kind stranger, for the award! I hope you have a wonderful day.
    via u/floofienewfie
  • 21
    AttemptOverall7128 NTA. It's a life lesson for him and it's not a crippling debt, he'll work it out if you don't bail him out. Maybe stop being so open about how much money you have coming in. I'd probably even lie and say there was a mistake and you won't be getting some of the financial aid. When you have financially irresponsible family it's best not to tell them about your finances, always act like you're struggling too!
    via u/AttemptOverall7128
  • 22
    bythebrook88 Now, he owes $2,700 in rent and my mom expects me to cover it. What's the end game here? You pay his rental arrears. Then... he suddenly gets a job and makes no further monetary demands on you? Or, more likely, he continues to not earn any money, not pay his rent and .. you're expected to cover it again? Until you run out of money for your university and drop out?
    via u/bythebrook88
  • 23
    Eventually he's going to get evicted when *somebody else* either runs out of money or stops paying. Why not make that time NOW? He's going to learn the hard lesson of eviction sometime, best to do it before you've wasted your money. NTA - unless you give in to your mother's pressure. Why isn't she giving her money instead of expecting an 18yo to do it? Could it be because she knows that the money will never be paid back?
    via u/bythebrook88
  • 24
    Alert_Marionberry_31 OP She literally has no money to give him, she's in so much debt herself because she's a single parent and she even paid for his rent last time. I don't know much about the future though, because it was a year long lease so it should be ending soon, but idk if this would be the last payment. He is living at home now. I don't necessarily blame my mom, she even warned him before and has given him multiple ideas to help his situation.
    via u/Alert_Marionberry_31
  • 25
    Endoftheworldis2far You definitely shouldn't pay this even if it's the last month. If it's that close than he can't get evicted because he will be out and lease ended before they could. They will send a bill and he can take it out of his deposit when it is sent(make sure he doesn't waste it all). Also makes sure he tells them he isn't renewing. Most have a 60day. If he doesn't, than he's got a bunch more bills.
    via u/Endoftheworldis2far

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family drama brother mother money problems bad parenting parenting family sister daughter mom money Parenting Fail son college student parents Parenting FAILS
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